Patrick Ross - The Artist's Road

Blessings on Patrick for his wonderful, always inspirational blog!  Who else would start out my week with a delightful creativity overload of six tweets from the past week!  

Sulley Blue...

...Mike Mazowski Green, Celia Purple & Randall Multi-Colors ~ ~ the frosting shades for my decorate-your-own monster cupcakes this Saturday, a last grand moment before Bryn Athyn Bounty says farewell until Spring 2013.  What a life-changing, spirit-expanding part of what is, to date, the unabashedly BEST year of my life!!

Creativity Blogs

One of the things that Amazon nails so well is the unreasonable but oh-so-strong delight humans have in lists!  Found a dandy list of  "Ten Creativity Blogs" that made for fun online ramblings.  

Imagining what treasures I'd get if I asked each of THOSE bloggers for their own list!!!

Monstrous Good Time

Experimenting tomorrow with baking cupcakes for Saturday's monster activity - frosting a very small Bundt cake with "fur" (using the grass tip).  Should I use Sulley Blue, Mike Wazowski Green, or Celia Purple??

Taste of Heaven...

Cost of ingredients for my Bryn Athyn Bounty goodies?  About $20

Time it takes to do all the making & baking & Bounty-ing?  Minimum 10 hours

Little girl at church beaming at me, saying loud & proud, "CUPCAKE LADY!"?  PRICELESS!

In My Element!

Yet another delightfully busy week!

Bright & early breakfast tomorrow at Fred's with John, then nip across the river so he can rig up hangers on the looooooong poster.  

On our way home, will have him drop me off at a bud's to pick up her car (with her) for a spin up to Doylestown for a lovely lunch at Knight House, followed by a ramble through the Michener's  Offering of the Angels, from the Uffizi Collection.   Return everyone by 5:30 p.m., then dinner with an older friend at 6:00 & coffee at 7:30 with Karen.    

Then, it's off to Lambertville with another friend on Thursday for a ramble around Your Show of Shows (okay - ours).  

Back on Friday for another settin' on the porch spell outside the gallery, inviting passersby to write the name of someone who matters to them on a strip of brightly colored paper, to be fashioned into a link & forged onto the INSPIRATO paper chain (which will be on display).  Making more WISH boxes - offering for free, although welcoming contributions to Lulu's Rescue & Tabby's Place.  

When I can squeeze it in, will do B.A. Bounty baking & concocting on Thursday & Friday.  This week's menu of offerings ~ a dozen Whoopie Pies, a dozen diy cupcake fixings, a dozen each Mango Mango and Pomegranate & Pineapple ice pops, and introducing chilled grapes in an easy-to-hold bag as well as fresh pineapple on a stick.

In my element!!  

Busy! Busy! Busy!

Last week was PACKED with activity.  Thursday was filled with making Whoopie Pies & vanilla cupcake blanks & ice pops (Mango Mango & Cranberry Pineapple).  At Lambertville on Friday from 2-6 p.m. (very successfully, I might add).  


Realized while I was there that my diy cupcake decorating supplies needed to be refreshed ~ ~  as I was commemorating the 1/2-way point of the farm market by charging 1/2 off all my wares & wanted to make sure every topping that might be desired was available; restocked rhinestone tiara supply, along with gummy worms, got new soccer balls (small wrapped chocolates instead of the Wilton sugar decoration), refilled over half the containers.  


Glad I did, as everything sold out - with exception of three Whoopie Pies (much to John's delight).  Am glad I took the "loss" - people seemed delighted with my customer appreciation gesture.  And some folks who'd never had one of my Whoopie Pies or ice pops felt free to experiment.  Win-win!!

This week - back at Lambertville, from 2-6.  Shelved the idea of having people make matchless WISH boxes.  But they LOVED what I came up with - set up a small table, with brightly colored pieces of paper, then ballyhooed passersbys to be part of the art show by signing the name of someone dear to their heart & a word that comes to mind when they think about them.  It was a BIG hit!  Will get the links connected in time for this week's linger.  And craft more WISH boxes to have available - no charge, totally free, although contributions to Lulu's Rescue & Tabby's Place would be appreciated (we raised $8 - my goal is to be raise at least $100 to split between the two).

Already started the Mango Mango ice pops (will start the Pomegranate Pineapple tomorrow).

Life is good, albeit busy! busy! busy!

Matchless WISH Boxes

Yup, that's going to be my first "Friday Porch Sit" project!  


This Friday ~ ~ matchless WISH  boxes!  Will have the semi-prepped materials with me at this Friday's Meet the Artists at the Gallery at the Bank of Princeton/Lambertville (10 Bridge Street, about three buildings down from the bridge, on the left).  Emptied them out of their matches, painted their "drawers" pretty colors, and have pieces of art paper & embellishments & ribbon at the ready for decorating.  Oh - and strips of paper with quotes about imagination & creativity & being for folks of all ages to pick to use as their wish slip,  writing their heart's desire on the blank other side, then tucking it away until the time it happens!


Might even whip up some mini cupcakes & have a pitcher of something refreshing at the ready - we'll see.


FUN!!!


Some favorite quotes include:

 “By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The non-existent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.” Nikos Kazantzakis

Held in the palms of thousands of disgruntled people over the centuries have been ideas worth millions – if they only had taken the first step and then followed through.”    Robert M. Hayes

.“Behind all creation is silence. Silence is the essential condition, the vital ingredient for all creation & all that is created. It is a power in its own right. The artist starts with a blank canvas – silence."  unknown

Off the Hook

John is a happy camper - he doesn't have to pretend to be doing artwork on the gallery's front porch, something he was totally dreading since it would be a total sham.  Figured that I'll be there, so why should he bother doing something that's a total waste of his time?

He'll still be there, available to walk folks around the gallery while I'm porch sittin' & craftin'.  Different craft each week to do with anyone who stops by.

Makes waaay more sense.  And a grumpy Budgie would NOT be fun to have around!

INGENUITY

When I set about making INSPIRATO, I enlisted my Facebook friends, asking them to share with me the name of a non-family friend along with one of their qualities.  It seemed a good way to get contributions to the paper link chain that built off the Healing Chain that I made for Mom many years ago, crafted from blessing & healing quotes contributed by her devoted e-mail dist list friends.  


I never ever thought that I'd be one of those named friends!  But someone did - along with ingenuity.   Well, I was as surprised as when Nita long ago gave intrusive as one word that described me to her!!  And it's been just as enlightening.


When Nita used "intrusive" to describe a primary quality she associated with me, others scoffed.  Not me.   I paid close attention.  


What about me struck Nita as intrusive?  It was important, because "intrusive" captured the very sense  that  essential others seemed to feel about me, too.  Far from scoffing, her one word utterly engaged my attention - and investigative powers.  And, in time, a possible "how" behind her  feeling I was intrusive revealed itself.


Well, I was even more gobswoggled when Suzie used ingenuity.  
Utterly unclever me?  
ngenious?  


At first, I scoffed - she must be thinking of someone else.  I never ever saw myself as having the least bit of ingenuity.


Then, Thursday came.  Thursday, when we arrived at the gallery to find the New York poster fallen to the floor.  Between the weather being so beastly humid & the gallery's self-healing wall, and the weight of the large foam core-backed poster, the tape we normally used was a total wash out.  But we couldn't nail anything into the foam core & it could take forever for glue to dry if we attached a hanger that way.  Strip of wire-wrapped foam core, attached to the back with Suze Weinberg's ultra strong crafting tape.  And it worked like a dream!  


Then, Saturday came.  And I looked at how Danielle & Co. had set up a protective ring around the alluring-yet-dangerous pit, using the bee garden stakes & yellow cording I'd picked up - all on deep sale - at A.C. Moore, not wanting to put myself at risk of being sued if someone took a tumble into the ground dimple.  After several Bryn Athyn Bounty's worrying that someone could get hurt, I'd come up with a solution - remember the bee stake I'd gotten for Adrian & Ryan - and knew, because of John working there, that they were on sale.  No big whoop, to me - just looking out for my own interests, as having it "protected" would help protect all of the vendors if someone did take a nasty tumble.  But I never ever thought of spotting the potential problem & coming up with a low cost, whimsical-looking solution as ingenuity.   Just seemed like good old-fashioned common sense.  


"Hey, I am blessed with ingenuity!"  What a total DUH! that I never ever realized it before.  It was ingenuity that made me won me praise & "Employee of the Year" honors in the corporate world, whether coming up with Brand Voice Bulletin or finding fast, effective ways to solve a human resources manager's big problem or getting a difficult Medical Director to approve out-of-network care for a baby in danger of losing his eyesight.  Earlier this year, it was making an off-hand comment in an e-mail to a potential key contact that John's an artist.   This summer, it's how offering "decorate your own" cupcakes & making Mango Mango ice pops during mega hot weather hit me as ways to help engage younger Bounty customers while increasing my sales!  What seem like no-brainers to me might strike others as ingenuity.  Go figure! 


It's going to be fun, thinking back on all the things I thought of as just practical, looking at them through the eyes of , "Was that obvious or ingenious?"  


Amazing, what I've learned, thanks to our art show.  Serendipity, indeed!!

Unexpected

Marianne wasn't at the bank today, so wasn't able to finish up the display case & John's paintings remain unhung.  But all turned out very well.  John had a chance to get frames for two more pet-traits ~ Rennie in a 5" x 5" number; an cat with huge blue eyes in a non-standard 9" x 12".


The young lady who sits where Marianne once did (before she moved up into her new office) was quite taken with the city posters & quite downcast when she heard they were not available as prints.  (They are prints of a poster John did for a private client, so are not ours to reproduce.)  


It was great fun to walk into the gallery & see the matted prints with Mim's artwork & quotes that I selected/laid out!


Although we don't usually connect with each other, sent both Kerry & Whitney links to this blog, in case they're interested in the goings on.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained!!


The 5-day forecast still shows Friday as overcast, but no rain predicted.  That would be so grand!  It hit 100F today ~ but not as bad as yesterday, which wasn't as hot but was horribly humid.  So happy that weather is a non-issue to us at this point, since the pieces are all at the beautifully air conditioned gallery!


Well, it's not an issue to John.  Must admit is is to me, as there's a lot of baking on my horizon, between the opening & Bounty.  Busy  busy busy!  But that's to BE expected!!

Once Upon a Time, In a Gallery Not So Far Away...

...Paintings of trains & houses & cats & dogs (including one very special dog named Fred & one very special cat named Max) leaned against the warm beige walls, waiting for the artist & his wife to set them in their places of honor around the room. 


In a display case at the end of the small gallery, brightly colored objects - boxes & books & a pair of creativity pom poms, brilliant pen & ink drawings by a sister, a pink hippo made long ago by a student whose own children are almost grown, a pin made by the artist - wait to be set out on the glass shelves..  The kite that's usually on the wall behind her as she types at her computer is now on a lower display case shelf, its playfully written spiral of  soaring words waiting for an arrow-shaped Post-it note to spotlight where the special cat scratched a hole in just one word - curiosity. 


The bank hasn't opened yet.  There's still a hush in the building, the only noise the sound of the traffic outside, cars going to or coming off the bridge spanning the river.  


The paintings wait, the objects wait, their anticipation building, waiting for the magic to begin. 

Well Named

Serendipity so beautifully captures our experience putting on our art show, opening a week from YESTERDAY.  We're scheduled to set up Monday afternoon & are pleased with how much we're both enjoying the experience.  

Not sure, when the opportunity first presented itself, how it would turn out.  Turns out it's presented itself like so most of the best things in our lives - opening up naturally, without great effort.  In its time.  That's how it's played out, right to this "Oh, my gosh - it's almost here!" moment.

Looking at the gallery walls yesterday, we wondered if we'd have enough of John's work to fill them - then, on the way home, we dropped off cards to a longtime client, who gave the Budgemeister three prints of posters based on John's artwork.  And we figured out a way to get them framed without too much $$$  (they're large AND a non-standard size).  And he figured out how to display the "Aspects of Home" pictures without fuss, bother or additional $$.

Everything seems to be clicking together nicely.  Right up to arriving at the gallery as Marianne was pulling out - she recognized the car & hot footed it back, so we had a nice meeting in the parking lot!!  

Life is good - and graced with every type of serendipity!

INSPIRATO

Getting down to work on my paper chain, INSPIRATO, for the upcoming show.  A chain of yellow & goldish links,  the yellow forming the connectors, the goldish the links bearing the name of someone special to a friend's heart, along with a quality they embody to that friend.  The chain will be fashioned so the goldish links face forward, with every honored person, every quality on view.

Wordy, yes, but with the intention of eliciting feelings, not thoughts...

Thank heaven for little swirls!

Great video on how to make easy 2-color frosting swirls!

Nunc Licet

My part of our art show is entitled, Thinking outside of the... That was the right thing to dub it at the time;  now, I'd call it Nunc Licet - now it is permitted.  

Our art show - Serendipity - is a visible expression of the joint & separate journeys John & I have been on over our lives.  It visualizes in ways I didn't imagine our very relationship - different styles, different perspectives, different everything, but at the same time together, each made not complete by the other but more, more adept at expressing our deepest loves & interests.


Now it is permitted - it thrills me, thinking about gathering in one art space everything that will be there, including the fabulously unique wedding dress that Brenda drew forth from a hand-embroidered, banquet-length table cloth and examples (incorporated into my own pieces) of Mim's wonderful drawings.  The two of us, but extending beyond to family  & friends.  And welcoming everyone to be part of our experience.  Sort of my own little DisneyWorld, if you know what I mean.  (If you don't, I can't explain it.)


Now it is permitted...  Always remembering that while it's now permitted, the ONLY one who can do, can make it so, is me. 

Been too hot to write...

Oh, to have air conditioning!  Wait - there's a window fan unit that will be perfect in the computer studio window.  Thank goodness!  Will make working in here at night less hellacious!  

Cupcakes are ready for tomorrow, both DIY "blanks" and a small assortment of minis (too hot to do a lot), plus some whoopie pies.  Through whipping up my big new goodie for tomorrow's Bryn Athyn Bounty farm market - ICE POPS!  With temps set to soar past 100F, seemed a merciful treat to include in my standard fare. (The weather is supposed to stay in the 90s through Sunday ~ they're toying with us, promising temps in the 80s next week;  alas, no real rain on the horizon for another 10 days.  And it's only early July!)

Hoped they'd be refreshing, but am utterly delighted with how downright tasty they are!  Enjoyed the Green Tea & Mango; now working my way through a Cranberry Lemonade & Pineapple.  Just peeled off a pineapple chunk - deelicious!  Anchored with club soda, letting the yellow shine through.  The differently colored layers look snappy.

The two coffee varieties - Vietnamese (espresso with sweetened condensed milk) and Mexican (espresso with light brown sugar, milk, cinnamon, almond extract) - are straightforward, no layering.  Ditto for the lemonade. 

Looking forward to doing Bounty tomorrow, but mega excited that two weeks from TODAY is our show opening!!  Curtain up!  Light the lights!  We've got nothing to hit but the heights!  Starting here, starting now, baby everything's coming up roses!!

Almost forgot - gotta go down & check to see if the pops are ready for their lolly sticks!!


UPDATE ~ Vietnamese Coffee is taking A LONG time to set.  Through it into the blender with a about a cup of ice cubes.  Hey, it actually tastes even better!  Here's hoping it sets up faster.

Metamorphous

Interesting, how my INSPIRATO project goes from emotion to words & back to emotion.  Hadn't fully envisioned that when it first came to me, but it's how I'm processing turning it from concept into reality into (hopefully) an emotion-touching part of our art show.

Words are what we come up with to best describe the feelings, thoughts we experience.  Their ultimate use is to return us to wordless feeling, sensing, awareness.

Not, it's interesting, knowing.  Knowing is limited.  Today's knowledge is outdated by tomorrow's events.  My hope is for the Inspirato chain to transcend knowing & knowledge, evoking & touching something closer to intuitive energies.

Opted OUT of making the chain out of art paper paired with neutral-hued card stock.  Instead, will use all brightly-colored card stock, alternating a link with a name/quality with a blank link, so that none of the pairs are lost to view.  Will get the paper today.

Next question - straight-edged links or fancy cut?

Fascinated by its metamorphous from a stirring in the mind to vague concept to clear idea to design to...

Brightly Dawned Her Wedding Day!

Yesterday was Amy Brickman's wedding to Ivan Maddock.  And I missed it.  Bushed after Bounty, I waited too long to get the cupcakes up to Artist's Gallery to do both that (which had to be my priority, as I wanted them there before the gallery opens today) and go to the wedding (special music at 5:30, wedding at 6).  A sad decision to make, but a wise one.

As sad as I was to miss the event, it was uppermost in my mind throughout the afternoon.  Was driving past our most beloved farm, outside Doylestown, swinging past horses grazing on our left & sheep sleeping under trees on our right, when the sunlight shifted from clear to a glorious golden, transforming the pastures into something magical - looked at the time & realized, at 6:29 p.m., it was just about when Amy & Ivan would be coming out of the cathedral, happy happy happy at being husband & wife.  Special unforgettable moment for them, special moment for me.

Totally joyful the weather turned out so much better than had been forecast.  It was hot in the late afternoon, but not muggy.  And the storms that devastated parts of Virginia, D.C. and New Jersey the day before had stayed well south of us. It was fine weather for the wedding, the brief gathering afterward on the cathedral lawn, the reception at the Lord's New Church.  So happy for everyone!

Amy's wedding inspired me to come up with an unusual present, something for the bride on the occasion of her wedding, but NOT a wedding present.  Will ask Amy for the names/contact info for the 10-15 people (men & women) who form her closest circle of friends/support folk.  Will ask each to trace his/her dominant hand (left or right) on a piece of card stock-backed pretty paper, writing down a NON-wedding related wish for her, along with his/her signature.  Paper punch each at the "wrist" then bind them together with a spring-clasp metal ring.

Am making one for the art show, for me.  Good practice run.  Interesting, thinking which people I want to include.  John, of course.  Dave, Candy, Emily Jane, Karen, Beryl, Molly, Lisa, Hannah, Nora, Richard, Linda (music group), Linda (Bach), Mary O., Drew, Carolyn, Suzie Snyder, Tom Rose, Kelly, Erin, Mim.

Hope both will be priceless treasures for myself, for Amy.  May every day of her life be as full of sunshine & unexpected fair weather as yesterday!

Bravo, Sherry!

Sherry Johns Holland did a stunning job on the invitation to our art show - separately, we're Cold, Hard Steel to Warm, Soft Fur (John, naturally) to Thinking outside of the ... (yours truly), while, together, the show is called Serendipity.  


Went beyond what I'd imagined.  Beautifully captured the best of John's work & the evocative feeling of my own.  


Now that the invitation is done & we await its arrival, am turning over this blog to my creative endeavors, including the show, with updates & news about this remarkable present (translate on every level).  

REWARDS

's 3:18 a.m.  

Was in bed, lights out, at 10:45 p.m., fulfilling this week's key pledge - asleep at a wiser, healthier, more wholeness-aspiring hour.  

And here I am.  Writing a blog entry at 3:20 a.m.

Awoke around 2:45 a.m.  Don't know if it was toothache or a kitty litter box that needs attention or the fact that Sky (who usually sleeps tucked next to or near me) was nowhere to be sensed.  But something awoke me.  

As mentioned, no Sky.  Sky is & maybe always will be a traumatized kitty.  As a kitten, he was put in the care of a young boy.  The boy probably didn't intend to torture the wee small creature, but he did.  And in spite of all the love that Leslie gave him, all the love that we do, he's remained deeply suspicious of life itself & everything, everyone in it.  But the one thing that he's done from the time he first allowed himself to leave the safety of the darkness under the master bedroom bed has been to sleep with me.  

At one time, plastered between my body & the back of the den couch (where I sleep due to breathing problems if  I don't sleep at least partially sitting up), then later right ON me, which has progressed to right next to me, to curled up at my legs, to finally a bit away from me.  But in the wee small hours of this morning, he wasn't next to me or near me or even atop the end of the couch.  Assumed he was with John (as he's sometimes bold enough to be, on the rare night), but turned on the light, just to check around.

And there he was, on the next cushion over, sound asleep, his arms flung over the edge of the cushion - total slumbers.  And asleep right next to him was Rennie.  Sky was sleeping right next to another cat.  That was an amazing sight to see & filled me with a deep sense of homecoming - it might not seem like much, but it's what I've hoped for ever since we took over Sky's care over three years ago.

There I was, about 30 minutes ago - sitting in a room that is fragrant in ways you really don't want, in the middle of the night, happy as all get out because two cats are sleeping right next to each other.

Seeing that progression in inner confidence gives me a tremendous sense of reward, if that's even the right word.  What I've hoped for - a more confident, at-rest-in-his-fur kitty - is one more step closer.  That is the sort of thing that fills my heart with happiness.  

Much like decorating cookies on Sunday at the New Church Day Craft Fair, where I turned a kid's activity into an opportunity to encourage all ages to have confidence in their choices, to know what they truly wanted & to make the most of being allowed to choose what they wanted, rather than what they felt was allowed.  

So, one little boy chose all little purple candies, when everyone else had chosen an assortment.  One young girl took all four of the few red M&Ms.  And every child who wondered out loud if it was okay to do something was asked, "Who's cookie is it?" and each came up with the answer - often immediately - "Mine."  Whatever they wanted to do with their cookie was okay, as long as it took 12 candies, no more.

Sometimes, none.  One little girl, around 7 years old, admitted to wanting only the gold icing without any of the candies I was using it to anchor.  She dropped her voice & admitted that what she really & truly wanted to do was just criss cross her cookie crown with piped icing.  Will always remember her sense of happiness as she stood next to me, her hands next to mine on the piping bag, and slish-slashed her way back & forth across the cookie with golden butter cream.  It was the sort of moment that's always given me the greatest sense of spiritual homecoming.

The cookie decorating event was over in less than an hour.  Ran out of cookie crowns.  Two of the boys who'd decorated cookies stopped by.  A girl who'd decorated one at the start of the fair was carefully loading up two mini baking cups with unused candies.  The boys stood in from of me, their eyes fairly dancing over the remaining little purple, red, orange & green gumdrops.  They asked if they could have some  & their eyes flew open as I told them to take them all.  As they divided them up on the two little plates, I leaned across the table to share some wise old woman advice - "Always ask.  The answer might be 'No' but you'll never get a 'Yes" if you don't ask. Always ask."  

There I was, trying to get back to sleep, and what I'm wide awake thinking about is the kitty peacefully slumbering at my feet, now curled up right next to Rennie, and empowering kids through cookie decorating.. That sense of whatever it is I feel has always been the reward I've sought in all I do.  And that's wonderful.  But it's time to expand my rewards system to include a similar sense of deep homecoming when I've done something tangible, like not only working on the kitchen on a Monday, but getting it spic & span clean; like not only getting a laptop, but setting it up for actual use & using it to make a success of an awesome business idea.

Rewards are important.   

It dawned on me, stretched out in the dark on the couch, unable to get back to sleep, that the reason I always felt like Mim & Peter personified the "right" way to be wasn't because they were held up as  exemplars of best living practices but because it seemed that whatever it was that they did were behaviors my parents rewarded with praise & admiration (at least, that's what I heard).  It wasn't what my parents said, but the intangible ways they seemed to reward Peter & Mim that drew me to conclude that the two of  them got it right while I chronically got it wrong.  (worth a posting all by itself, since peter & mim seem to have experienced things the other way around - maybe none of us were rewarded & all of us felt unrewardable!)

To only apparently seem to digress - it's never made sense to me when others have ease my frustrations over throwing all sorts of obstacles into the path of doing things that would serve my interests, without any detriment to others.  In most case, with benefits to others.  "Don't beat yourself up over it - it's human nature."   It's human nature to SEE what calls out to be done, to SEE the next best step to getting to a better, wiser way of living, then NOT doing anything to make it so?  It's human nature to see the Promised Land & content yourself with wandering around instead of figuring out how to get across the Jordan and DOING it?  

That's perverted human nature.  And we are capable of better.  We are put here to do better.  

And I don't digress, because what we do in our lives is directly tied to our concept of rewards. It was many years ago that I first heard the concept that the reason we do things that hold us back is because we get some sense of reward from it.  Until we figure out what the reward is, acknowledge then reconfigure it, we're going to keep living in a messy house or blowing our chances to develop prosperous income streams or messing up relationships.  

I tolerate an aromatic house (not in the way people want - in the way that keeps us from having friends over) because of the reward I get seeing a small tuxedo kitty sleeping curled up next to a fluffy marmalade tabby.  

I grew up with a funky sense that the most important rewards would always be beyond my reach, because I could never hope to be even close to Peter & Mim in what I could do.  Turns out, that's right.  I never could be like Peter & Mim and what they appear to process as rewards isn't what I do.  But that's NOT wrong, doesn't make me chronically, hopelessly off kilter - it just makes me me.

Took me until the wee small hours of a Tuesday morning - now 4:14 a.m. - to realize that a key (perhaps THE key) to moving past my apparent human nature to my genuine spiritual on is by first overhauling my rewards system.  

It's all well & good to experience deep happiness in Sky's progress.  What I need to move to is encouraging, nurturing in myself deep happiness in having a spic & span kitchen every Monday, in getting the front yard looking good every Tuesday, in setting up & using the laptop that I purchased five months ago, in making a personal & prosperity-creating success of Cyber Access for the Technically Timid.

We do what we feel rewarded by.  Always has been, always will be.  To change my life, change the reward system in which it's rooted.

Weird Body Clock

Why do I feel utterly worn out in the morning & early-mid afternoon, then full of energy the rest of the afternoon - evening??

Task ~or~ People?

Anna Friesen Cole, ALC (Awesome Life Coach) had me take a personality profile.  Just a few questions, but that seemed to be all it took reveal me as a Free Spirit/People type.  


Included with the determination were descriptions of what each "type" was like.  Which was when I realized, much to my surprise, I wasn't at all a "People" type, at least not according to its description!  Turned out that I was far more "Task," which would have been a shock to my teachers & a hoot to my family.


Me?  A TASK personality?  The person who told a career coach, in all seriousness,  that I don't set any goals "because that would be a guarantee I never complete it"??  


Been thinking this past weekend a lot about which of the two I am closest to - PEOPLE or TASK.  Seems to me that whichever it is, it's been pretty well messed up over my lifetime.  Feels darn tootin' amazing to seek, at 60, opportunities to set both back on the course from which they've strayed for so long.


If I am a PEOPLE type, then it's weird I lack an intimate circle of friends.  John & Karen.  Two people.  Doesn't seem quite right, does it?  Am good friends with a lot of people, but intimate?  Just those two.  My husband & a remarkable woman who came into my life less than 10 years ago.  And, of course, Dave & Candy - but they live way out in Sioux Falls & are kept on their toes by a wondrous family that defines inclusive.


Mind you, I was raised to believe myself the ULTIMATE people person.  None too bright, perhaps, but a social marvel.  At least, that was the self image I had dinned into me.  The first 50 years of my life focused on people and on developing & maintaining relationships.  Primarily FAMILY relationships & if not family, then fairly one-sided.  Being "none too bright" (at least compared to older sibs), it was essential to me that I make the most of what I did really & truly did best - providing loving support to those who mattered most to me, even if it was unrequited (not in their natures & even less in their nurtures).  


By nurture - yes.  By nature - no.  So it seems, at heart I'm NOT a "People" type, after all. 


Which leads me to being a "TASK" person.  When I first read the description, it felt like an electric shock went right through me.  Have always thought in terms of tasks, of setting out goals in logical steps that can easily measure success or need to focus more intently, apply myself more successfully.  Drove my teachers batty, being able to see what needed to be done, able to detail the steps, but then not doing it.  Labeled LAZY.  Wasn't.  Just lacked any sort of infrastructure to turn the task into reality.  Setting tasks - fun.  Doing tasks - dull & prosaic.  Completing tasks - not a core concept in family discussions.  Mostly beginnings, rarely next steps, never end product.   


By nature - yes.  By nurture - no.  At heart, I am a "Task" type all the way, but woefully unequipped to make the most of what should be one of my greatest assets ~ seeing the best-next-step task before me.  Even today - June 4 2012 - can see the best-next-step, but respond by dodging it or numbing myself out of effective action.  


How easy it would be to get further messed up with "woe is me" and "if only I'd realized earlier" and "too late now" thinking...  BALDERDASH!  I am a TASK person - and darn proud of it!  


It's not an easy effort, making the time and investing the psychic & emotional & realtime energies necessary to turn things around, but any decent Task type worth her salt would see it as right up her unobstructed alley.  Simple - no.  Essential - yes.  


And what's the key to making all of this HAPPEN, to developing my Task side while nuturing my inner People Person?  It is...   Nah - been writing enough this a.m.  Off to clean up the kitchen.  More about the key later!!

Great Spirit, Leave Me Wordless

Still thinking about the awesome power of our moments before we became enslaved to words, when we processed a sense of what happened around us with labeling it.  

When, as a baby who hadn't a clue that those sounds had meaning that could communicate or confuse, we sense the relationships between individuals & groups.  

How did those impressions sink into our mind?   

Common sense tells us they did.  

Our mind was unformed in the acceptably reasonable way, but it still functions even as a newborn.  Been wondering for months & months about the sense of those sense memories - how they're filed in my mind, how do they touch my life.  I have a tender feeling about them.  A longing to be liberated through wordlessness....

Fans & Deflected Light

Summer temperatures & night work in the computer studio has me longing for whole-house air conditioning.  Praise be for small, powerful fans & deflecting the beam of the studio light!  

I grew up in a family that "made do," had a sister who downright glorified creatively eeking by.  The older I get, the more it seems to me that "making do" isn't the virtue I once thought it was.  My change of thinking all started with, of all things, an oven.  A new oven, one that met my core needs, and a new microwave (recommended to purchase in conjunction with the new oven range, as it provides ventilation).  

A friend, horrified that two toaster ovens handle all my baking, offered to purchase us a new oven range (our's has been basically a very big 2-burner unit for several years).  When I asked for a budget, she told me to get what I needed.  Except, as it turned out, the final price tag was WAY over what she'd envisioned.

Instead of being crestfallen, I thanked her for her generous offer - because it surely was - then declined.  I'd seen what I need & "making do" with what was possible within the $ constraints was NOT an option.  Having tasted what really met my needs, and perfectly happy with my two brave little toaster ovens, settling for less would have been ghastly.  That might not make any sense to most people, but it's clear as day to me.

Why "settle" when you can be INSPIRED?  Why "make do" when filling a need can be a goad to taking actions that make the dearly desired my own?  

A lot of folks poo-poo ambition as a vice.  Not me.  Ambition is a spur.  Imagine where we'd be without ambitious individuals!  Competition was typically painted as a vice, too.  Back when I was in high school, the girls were only allowed to compete with other classes - competition against other schools, competition that brought similar glory to what the boys achieved, was frowned upon for females.  

Ambition & competition.  Sure, they can be vices, but to me they are twin virtues that help mere mortals reach for heights beyond their natural reach.  

An interesting rumination, springing from thoughts of a small, powerful fan & deflecting light so it doesn't turn the computer studio into a sauna.  Thoughts about a whole-house air conditioning system that might never become reality (then again, one never knows what can happen if it matters enough to set my thoughts & heart on it), and the oven range/microwave combo that someday surely will.  Moving past "making do" & "settling," embracing instead (however foreign they might feel) a wholesome sense of ambition & accomplishment-nurturing competition.  

DREAM BIG  ~  BELIEVE  ~  LAUGH OFTEN

Slogging Through

Expected to get so much accomplished in May - instead, it feels like I've been treading water, except it's been in a great vat of metaphysical oatmeal.  All has NOT been in place.

And that, dear friends, is part of an ancient pattern in my life that needs to be recognized, then set aside. Historically, the more I wanted to do something, the more I made it the last thing that was done, sometimes it never even was recognized with action.  Just blithering.  Because that's what dreams without actions is - mere blithering.

Well, at least I don't have to be an idiot.  Can get back the past 4+ weeks, but I can learn from them.  This turning things around isn't going to happen overnight or in a fortnight or even in four months.  But it can happen by simply keeping slogging through.  Don't let that vat of metaphysical oatmeal become quick sand that sucks me under.  Get over to the side of the vat & CLIMB OUT.  Might not be easy, but no one else can do it for me.

Instead of taking my self to task for not being more of the Task Type that's my true nature, realize that the voluntarily-induced amnesia of the past month is a sure sign that my current intended path onward & upward is spot on, or else I wouldn't have ignored it so persistently.  All that needs be done is ignore the deep desire to ignore, instead recognizing the powerful inclination to induce self-imposed slumbers which can only be undone by the invigorating awareness that breaks the spell.

Stop slumbering & keep slogging through!

Wee Small Kitty

Sky is such a wee small kitty, yet he's been the vehicle for such large lessons in my life.  


If John & I had acted "sensibly," Sky wouldn't have been with us longer than a scant day. Traumatized by rough care as a kitty, he'd been a challenge for his previous guardian, who'd had to put him into our care when her health situation necessitated finding new homes for her clowder of cats. 


The last thing Sky needed was fresh trauma.  Losing a human he'd come to trust, to be thrust into a large group of unknown & basically hostile cats - with the exception of Lakota, a sweet cat who came with him - shook the wee small kitty.  He basically hid under our bed, where he did all sorts of very smelly things.  


It took months & months for him to finally come downstairs.  Then, he took to sleeping with me, stretched out between my upper body & the back of the den couch.  I marveled at how he managed to breathe!  


Slowly, slowly he started sleeping on my chest - Sky IS a wee small kitty - then to my right, on another couch cushion, ultimately at my feet, and finally heading upstairs for the rare slumber with the other 2-leg in the house.  


He still doesn't use the litter box.  Hence, the well-diapered couch.  But he still occasionally does whatever in inconvenient places.  (Sky is the reason NO kitty is allowed in the computer studio, in spite of the basic good behavior of the others - too risky.)


Our house smells to high heaven because of that wee small kitty.  We don't have friends over, which goes completely against our natures.  He's been nothing but a detriment to the value of our house.  And he still doesn't get along with the rest of the cats, with the exception of his longtime housemate, Lakota - and even they aren't as chummy as they apparently were at Leslie's. 


All that being said, can't imagine my life without the lessons learned through that wee, small kitty.  If interacting with Jada & her kittens helped me connect to Ian, Sky has helped me gain invaluable insights into the challenges of parenting a "problem" child, of the importance of setting down well-defined boundaries so that there can be give & take on both sides, resulting in healthy compromises.  I've learned that even frien-emies have strong relationships, that - with  proper encouragement & reinforcement & what feels at times like endless patience - all creatures of all sorts can develop & grow in unimaginable ways IF there is an opportunity.

Yes, he's a wee small kitty, but Sky's helped me in more ways than I've helped him.  I am blessed & forever grateful.   (picture is of a gift tag John made - pure Sky)


  

Safe

Recently, I came across several letters that set my brain a~whirling. One was from someone dear to my heart, a single letter addressed & sent to each of her children. The other two were remarkable replies.

The original letter was short, to the point, sharing the letter writer's unexpected self-realization that she only felt safe with two out of six (including in laws) children. She confided that, as part of a larger effort to improve her overall attitude of mind, she was working on moving past that sense of unease, that she welcomed hearing from anyone who wanted to talk about what was happening in her life.

Of the four children receiving the letter by mail, two responded. One took her to task for not feeling safe with the other - berating her that there was no reason to not feel safe. That letter never asked for more specifics, for what was meant by the word "safe," or for an example of what she meant by not feeling safe.

The other also responded, or - to be more accurate - retaliated, calling out the letter writer for not feeling safe. Yes, the other noted, the other's blunt honesty often left people feeling sad, miserable, mad, angry, even hostile, but they always felt safe with the other.

What an excellent illustration of knowing HOW people define words. The other had no problem seeing that they often brought people to grief (i.e. sad, miserable, mad, angry, even hostile), but that didn't translate to them as unsafe. Perhaps, to them, being unsafe meant being physically unsafe; maybe the concept of emotional safety wasn't on the other's radar. There was no way to ask, as the letter was all emphatic statement, no open-ended asking.

Coming across those now "ancient" letters served as a good reminder to me that while I might THINK the words I'm using have clearly defined meaning, t'aint necessarily so. I could be totally misread - and could be, in turn, totally misread others. Step softly & carry a big curiosity to learn more.

It's safe to say that these letters frame a caveat we're each well served to heed - never assume that what you think you hear is what someone meant to convey, even if you can repeat back word for word what was said. When we think the sense is off whack, ask what the person meant by what was said. Imagine the difference if either the first OR the other had simple responded, "You say you only feel safe with this one & that one. Tell us more about how you feel with the others."

Timing is Everything

Lucky me, to have two books on launching a small business that were written for creatives.

The Right-Brain Business Plan was published just last year (!), while Birthing the Elephant has been around since 2008. Both arrived yesterday, along with a crib sheet for Windows 7.

I practically danced to the front door, throwing open the door with a swoosh of joy, whisking the package right out of the postman's hands!!

Discomfort as an Ally

It's still rough going, experiencing discomfort as a sign that work's being done, rather than simply considered. Avoiding discomfort was a key message I rec'd growing up & throughout my life. Yet, there was always something in me that knew discomfort was, in reality, an invaluable, irreplaceable ally, the soft whisper in my ear that I'd moved past up-in-the-clouds dreaming into down-into-the-nitty-gritty realizing.

I think it was Stephen Covey who wrote about the lure of promising ideas, the incredible psychic energy they provide, and how it is very different knuckling down to do the mundane tasks that transform fantasy into fantastic substance. We love to look to the idealized future, achievements we'll garner, accolades we'll receive, but balk at actually looking around us in THIS moment, given THESE circumstances.

Looking around at what can be done within the present can make me squirm - my longtime response has been to shut down, get tired, take a nap. Go numb. Better numb than discomfort.

BAH! What a lot of bosh!!!

Recognize the ancient triggers, stop dwelling in the past or looking toward tomorrow, look around, feel that icky sense of discomfort, of shying away from the mundane, knuckle down and LIVE. Take no thought for the morrow ~ take root in the NOW.

Redux Over

Am taking a do over on last week, because I ignored every single thing I pledged to do. Put on my big girl pants, write out the pledges on the fridge calendar, follow through & do them.

Put One Foot in Front of the Other

Feels like for every four steps I take forward, there are three backward or to the side or front but off on a tangent. Keep coming back to the the imagery of a bureau that's been repeatedly repainted - takes a while to scrape off the layers, takes time until the original beautiful mahogany is uncovered. And once it is, still need to restore it!

This week's top five challenges to master are (drum roll, please):

* flip off light at 10:30 p.m.

* put a new bag in the vacuum cleaner

* then vacuum, upstairs & down

* get up between 5:30 & 6:00 a.m.

If I tackled every challenge out there, I run shrieking into the night. Slow, but steady. Just put one foot in front of the other!

Stating the Obvious

It felt like Anna was taken aback by my response to a comment she made at our life coaching session, an almost throw-away description of one of my sibs. Maybe it showed on my face that with that one word, a key was turned in a long-sought, always just-out-of-sight lock on my awareness, letting out with an beyond measure WHOOOOOOSE!! of understanding/insight/compassion, the ultimate AH HA! moment of my life, to date.

"What did you just say?" I asked.

She repeated it.

"Where did you get that? How did you know?"

To Anna, she was stating what she thought was just restating the obvious & looked seriously startled and seemed taken totally off guard by my questions ~ "It's what you described."

And it was - but I hadn't realized it. >I'd< described it, without grasping what I'd described.

Oh, the wonders of a life coach - someone to hear what a person says & say it back, giving the words entire new power..

Surprise Gift

What a godsend! I knew in my bones that teaming up with Anna Friesen Cole would open the way to something. Little could I have guessed she'd rock my world in the most remarkable, unimaginably beyond-the-beyond ways possible!!!

Background:

THE great constant of my life, one that drove my sibs & Mom into the stratosphere of irked, was my unremitting attempt to figure out the gist of my family's core dynamics, because they never ever made sense to me.

Not as a little kid, not as a teen, not as a young adult, not as a grown up.

Wasn't after fault-finding or recriminations, just a core understanding of what felt to me like... to this day, I don't have the words to say how it felt. Not sure if there even IS a word, at least in the English language.

Thank goodness for getting older! And for Mom passing right before my 50th b-day. Age & no longer being !st & foremost a daughter (yep, even before wife) opened the way to cease & desist

my ceaselessly futile attempts at understanding my family's blatantly byzantine dynamics.

Walked away - well, that was my intent, if not always my reality.

The only thing all that storm & stress had yielded was more stormy stress. It took until the past couple years, but was finally able to SEE that and then let go of the related, suck-you-in & drag-you-down issues.

Which was when the Universe was finally free to give me the BEST surprise birthday present EVER - Anna & her almost freaky people-mapping insights! Seriously - our first coaching session was the day after my b-day!!!

Coincidence?

Mere happenstance?

I think NOT!

Thank you, Universe ~ and keep all those blessings coming!!!

Anna

Gee, talking about everything being in its place! What a blessing that Anna Friesen Cole & I connected just when we did - certainly no mere accident.

Never Saw This One Coming

Am continually surprised by how incredible, never-could-have-predicted-it things keep happening in my life.

Aside from some traditional goodies I already have in the baking pipe line for the college, today was my farewell to the traditional baked yummies that have been my stock in trade since I made my first batch of Krazy Krunch - for the 7th Grade Christmas party. And it was a great & glorious adieu, visually & gastronomically. Totally aced it - could feel the inspiration. Looked like a magazine spread!

If anyone had told me at this time last week that I'd be psyched about concentrating exclusively on HEALTHY baking... well, I just might have thought him or her utterly nuts. I really never saw it coming - and am I happy happy happy that it did!!

Healthier

I didn't make all wise food choices today, but I certainly made better ones!

Tweaking Lyris

How much of my breathing problems tie to the shadow on my lungs, how many relate to what I've done to my body?

The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell me. Don't go back to sleep.

I recite that first thing every morning. Hold onto it throughout the day. Be awake in each moment to what I'm doing, make sensible decisions within each moment that will benefit my long-term well being, get as fit as possible within each circumstance. Don't go back to sleep.

How better to sum up my current sense of myself, of my place within the structure of everything, than to tweak Miss Lyris' advice to my ANC freshman self ~ If I put as much time & effort into taking care of myself as I spend on others, I truly truly truly will go far.

I am Deev, and I've been saving all my best lines

for my 3rd act, for this moment forward.

Ever Hopeful!!

What dreadful disappointment - popped in the floppy discs that contain text of Mom's Mindwalker1910 musings & memories, and they were unreadable!!

Crushed!!!

Unless hopeful requests to two possible resources pan out, will be without the blessing of those last 18 months of Mom's time with us, when she spent many an hour in the computer studio with me, her dictating, me transcribing to keyboard. So many precious moments of musings & memories!!

Ever hopeful!!!

Transformed

My baking profile is transformed, thanks to someone's request this morning for nutritious muffins & goodies rather my standard fare.

Have been aware for some time that I should be making healthier nibblings for my ANC Juniors & the college, so the request fell on well-prepped, fertile ground.

Yup, the Universe drop kicked me in a whole new direction. Touch down! Looking forward to scoring points with a new range of yum.

Loving the experience of discovering healthy, delectable goodies for the Bank of Princeton, my ANC guys & gals, and college staff & students!

FACEBOOK and a SENSE of PLACE

Was taken delightfully unawares today by my niece's Facebook Profile picture - a photo of Whitney, Reynolds & Scott in front of the Woodland Road Christmas tree, a photo I took when the Australian Lockharts made their first trip back to the USA after emigrating Down Under.

From what I can gather, Whitney reposted it as her Profile shot after seeing it posted on Scott's wall!

So many memories snapped in place within an instant - one of our family's happiest-ever times, suffused with family & heart connections. (Brings to mind the special glow that surrounded our wedding almost 20 years later, when those three young people honored us by being my Maid of Honor & two of John's ushers!)

How lovely to be reminded ~ just by logging onto Facebook ~ of young people & moments so dear to my heart!

ODE to JOY

What joy - my 17" HP laptop computer arrived last night!!

Every avenue I'd pursued since early summer to raise enough capital to buy a laptop or iPad2 - and start Cyber Access for the Technically Timid - fell flat. Mayhaps because the Universe wanted ME to underwrite it on my own ~ and arranged a circumstance where that incredible possibility could happen.

Even when my cpu crashed weeks & weeks ago (blasted virus!), wiping off all my documents, I stayed resolute & optimistic that things would turn out. Even when it took what felt like forever to scrape together enough to get the cpu repaired, I still held faith. Two fund-raising efforts went "pffftttt" - still I didn't crumple! And gee did the Universe come through!!

BACKGROUND: It's more or less standard that my active credit card hovers around $100 of my max level (in spite of how much extra I pay in). But in December, I paid $300 toward it (might sound like small potatoes, considering the balance, but it sure felt wonderful). Typically, if the opportunity to get a just-right laptop came up, even the monthly payment would have been over my head - - not this time!!

Time to get rolling on Cyber Access for the Technically Timid!!! (A sure sign it will be a resounding success - much to my own surprise & infinite delight, its acronym is CATT!!)

"Large, rich, opulent, lavish financial surprises now come to me, and I AM GRATEFUL."

The Universe loves me...

...Serves me, nurtures me, and wants me to win.

The only thing that I knew for absolute sure when I sent my "state of my union" letter in October was that I'd be surprised & awed by the unexpected blessings that would accrue. I certainly was! Few people were able to chip in $ to help underwrite my mega important but initially low income-producing 3rd act. About three. Blessings on them!

The most precious & productive contribution rec'd was from Molly D - and it probably set her back just the cost of a stamp. It was a rather long affirmation, one I was instructed to write out each day & say out loud three times daily. And I did! Never missed a day, never even came close.

Each one of the lines rang true in my heart. And the joy I felt in writing out the words each day opened up my heart to the whole world.

Some people - maybe a lot of people - might think me a kook for sending out the sort of letter like I did, one that was honest & asking, but I consider such epistles like a fisherman's net ~ ~ cast it out over the waters & be blessed by whatever's caught up in its reach.

"Large, rich, opulent, lavish financial surprises now come to me, and I AM GRATEFUL."