decided to NOT attend blogher '11 or creative connections. either event - the first in early aug out in san diego, the second in st.paul in mid-sept - would have been interesting BUT i'm not at the blogging proficiency level where i'd feel at ease with it all. want to boost my competencies on my own before seeking higher levels.
might not make a lot of sense to some folks, but it does to me. spent a lifetime feeling out of place either due to being clueless i didn't belong or because of not having enough info under my belt to make the best use of the provided opportunities. whew! that was a mouthful.
instead, am crafting my own "creative connections" learning program right here, in the privacy of my computer studio. and maybe by august or september, i WILL feel whatever prerequisites i sense are necessary to make the expense a worthwhile investment.
a big break for my budget & a mega-boost for my self-confidence in teaching myself the basics of blogging. this blog will be my confessional for how i'm doing!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
brain buzz!
Hardly slept - brain buzz.
Seeing BA pastor inviting HV ministers/congregations to special 9/11 vesper service – GC minister officiating, others seated on chancel; brief talk, then reading of names of fallen NYFD/PD. Mixed choir singing.
Potluck picnic, at cathedral or Benade Hall circle.
Concert on Benade Hall steps or BACNC circle (rain locations - Society Bldg & MPAC).
Both communities involved in organizing.
Buzzed!
Seeing BA pastor inviting HV ministers/congregations to special 9/11 vesper service – GC minister officiating, others seated on chancel; brief talk, then reading of names of fallen NYFD/PD. Mixed choir singing.
Potluck picnic, at cathedral or Benade Hall circle.
Concert on Benade Hall steps or BACNC circle (rain locations - Society Bldg & MPAC).
Both communities involved in organizing.
Buzzed!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
fetter free
it's impossible to describe how it feels to feel fetter free. doesn't matter if it happens at 59 or 29, the sensation would be the same. and i know it's impossible to describe because it's impossible for me to put into limited words the thoughts & emotions that have replaced the constricted darkness in my noggin.
joan chittister is utterly spot on when she writes in welcome to the wisdom of the world:
We miss one of the major lessons of nature when we can't see that just because a turkey doesn't fly long distances doesn't make it a failed bird.
after decades & decades of seeking answers, am finding it downright lighthearted to realize how easy it is for folks to focus so hard on failing to become what we want to be, we balk & bluster at being the best we were born to be.
Reality ~ we can't be what we are not. We can only become the whole of what we are and learn to accept it and learn to enjoy being it.
One thing we can do is begin to go about life differently. Life is not one thing only; no one's life is totally one-dimensional. We are ALL a great deal mor than the world knows us to be. So, when one dimension of life fails to work for us, we can take ALL of who we are and become what we must through some other way. We can learn to treat ourselves with the respect we struggle to get from others.
We, ourselves, must accept what we are if we want other people to value it, too.
Instead of trying to be what we are not, we must become the best, the happiest, of what we ARE.
It is the ability to spread happiness that moves the world, that gives a person scope, that unsticks me from the obsession on which I am stuck. We don't have to wonder if the gifts we have to give the world are worth giving. But we do have to DO something with the gifts we have ~OR~ risk the loss of them entirely.
rejoice in what i am, in what i can be, what i am called to be!
joan chittister is utterly spot on when she writes in welcome to the wisdom of the world:
We miss one of the major lessons of nature when we can't see that just because a turkey doesn't fly long distances doesn't make it a failed bird.
after decades & decades of seeking answers, am finding it downright lighthearted to realize how easy it is for folks to focus so hard on failing to become what we want to be, we balk & bluster at being the best we were born to be.
Reality ~ we can't be what we are not. We can only become the whole of what we are and learn to accept it and learn to enjoy being it.
One thing we can do is begin to go about life differently. Life is not one thing only; no one's life is totally one-dimensional. We are ALL a great deal mor than the world knows us to be. So, when one dimension of life fails to work for us, we can take ALL of who we are and become what we must through some other way. We can learn to treat ourselves with the respect we struggle to get from others.
We, ourselves, must accept what we are if we want other people to value it, too.
Instead of trying to be what we are not, we must become the best, the happiest, of what we ARE.
It is the ability to spread happiness that moves the world, that gives a person scope, that unsticks me from the obsession on which I am stuck. We don't have to wonder if the gifts we have to give the world are worth giving. But we do have to DO something with the gifts we have ~OR~ risk the loss of them entirely.
rejoice in what i am, in what i can be, what i am called to be!
Monday, May 9, 2011
"the saddest thing in life..."
the following, an excerpt from joan chittister's book, welcome to the wisdom of the word, describes an awesomely gifted person who is as loved by me as i seem to be persona non-exista to him:
It isn't that he wasn't bright enough.
Nonsense.
He was one of the smartest people I ever met.
He had years of academic success.
He had a fine reputation as a teacher.
He certainly had the right pedigree, academically & socially.
BUT
whatever the cosmetics, he was never really happy -
always dissatisfied
always stuck
always wanting more.
What he was, it seems, never quite equaled his image of himself and what he wanted to be.
Shakespeare described the type centuries ago ~ "desiring this one's art and that one's scope."
It wasn't so much that people discounted him; it was that he was never good enough for himself.
Standing next to him, you could almost feel the restless rage that ate away at his soul. He carried an air of perpetual distain, a kind of groundless anger at those who refused to recognize in him what he thought himself to be. He hungered for the world to attest that he was what he clearly was not.
He was stuck.
He could not be what he wanted to be. He did not want to be what he was, however excellent that might look to others. Instead, he drifted between the two, unhappy because of what he could not do, refusing to be satisfied with what he could.
But the wanting ate him up, consumed him, made him small when he could have been great.
He didn't want to be a teacher; he wanted to be an administrator.
He didn't want to be a theorist; he wanted to be an executive.
And he never got to be either.
He was, without doubt, an invaluable resource on anyone's committee, on anyone's staff, on anyone's board. But what he definitely did NOT want to be was one of the team - any team. He wanted to be the STANDOUT BEST.
Instead, he became a study of what happens when we reflect parts of ourselves and leave the whole of ourselves untouched, undeveloped.
all of which reminds me of the great quote near the end of robert deniro's timeless classic, a bronx tale ~ the saddest thing in this world is wasted talent.
in this moment, am recording my vow to use the talent i have, however great or small it might be.
as joan c. said later in her book ~ We don't have to be stuck in the dregs of life. We don't have to pine away, wanting to be what we aren't. We don't have to wonder if what we have to give to the world is worth giving. BUT we do have to do something with the gifts we have OR risk the loss of them eventually.
rejoice in what i am, in what i can be, what i am called to be.
It isn't that he wasn't bright enough.
Nonsense.
He was one of the smartest people I ever met.
He had years of academic success.
He had a fine reputation as a teacher.
He certainly had the right pedigree, academically & socially.
BUT
whatever the cosmetics, he was never really happy -
always dissatisfied
always stuck
always wanting more.
What he was, it seems, never quite equaled his image of himself and what he wanted to be.
Shakespeare described the type centuries ago ~ "desiring this one's art and that one's scope."
It wasn't so much that people discounted him; it was that he was never good enough for himself.
Standing next to him, you could almost feel the restless rage that ate away at his soul. He carried an air of perpetual distain, a kind of groundless anger at those who refused to recognize in him what he thought himself to be. He hungered for the world to attest that he was what he clearly was not.
He was stuck.
He could not be what he wanted to be. He did not want to be what he was, however excellent that might look to others. Instead, he drifted between the two, unhappy because of what he could not do, refusing to be satisfied with what he could.
But the wanting ate him up, consumed him, made him small when he could have been great.
He didn't want to be a teacher; he wanted to be an administrator.
He didn't want to be a theorist; he wanted to be an executive.
And he never got to be either.
He was, without doubt, an invaluable resource on anyone's committee, on anyone's staff, on anyone's board. But what he definitely did NOT want to be was one of the team - any team. He wanted to be the STANDOUT BEST.
Instead, he became a study of what happens when we reflect parts of ourselves and leave the whole of ourselves untouched, undeveloped.
all of which reminds me of the great quote near the end of robert deniro's timeless classic, a bronx tale ~ the saddest thing in this world is wasted talent.
in this moment, am recording my vow to use the talent i have, however great or small it might be.
as joan c. said later in her book ~ We don't have to be stuck in the dregs of life. We don't have to pine away, wanting to be what we aren't. We don't have to wonder if what we have to give to the world is worth giving. BUT we do have to do something with the gifts we have OR risk the loss of them eventually.
rejoice in what i am, in what i can be, what i am called to be.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
shifting
am busily shifting through stuff in the basement, trashing what has interest but no actual value. NOT an easy thing to do, resisting the siren call of "but someday..."
the space is needed, not just physically but emotionally & spiritually as well.
the space is needed, not just physically but emotionally & spiritually as well.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
master of some
looking over the things i want to offer at the local-sustainable-handcrafted market at southampton station, am struck anew with the different hats i wear. "jack of all trades & master of SOME (and darn good at the others)."
cracker baking, craft making, workshop facilitating, cupcake party throwing, seasonings mixing, spouse marketing, breakfast trekking, senior experience expanding, pampered chef demoing...
yup - am a born life enthusiast & general instigator!
cracker baking, craft making, workshop facilitating, cupcake party throwing, seasonings mixing, spouse marketing, breakfast trekking, senior experience expanding, pampered chef demoing...
yup - am a born life enthusiast & general instigator!
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