the sudden, unexpected death of a remarkable young minister/teacher/mentor brings home the importance of living as he did, filling every moment with joy & doing the work he loved in a way that only he could do & being an incredible life force to all he touched.
it was pretty bold & brash, sending out my 2nd "state of the human" letter, opening a path for people to help us financially & making it easy for everyone to contribute substantially without spending a cent. but - post the jacob story, post charter day, post mauro - am taking that outreach BIGGER, contacting people who belong to the boards of our church & schools with a funky grant proposal.
my health seems to be questionable. i breathe heavily & tire easily. so, am more committed than ever to doing whatever needs to be done to make the contributions that i'm well suited to make to my church, my school & my community. where there appears to be an obstacle, i'll acknowledge it before giving it the boot. i'm not going to worry if people think i'm a kook or outrageous - if that's what it takes to make cyber access for the technically timid & a more welcoming experience at charter day & partnering programs between my local senior community and college a reality, then so be it.
the bottom line is that i've been over the top (hopefully in a good way) from my first breath. i seem to have been born with an out-sized sense of love & loyalty to my family, my church, my school. the affections that many people pour into friends, i poured into those three institutions - family, church, school. family, in its traditional sense of siblings, has receded into the background (but certainly not disappeared) as loving support of community has moved over the past 15 years into the foreground.
my dream is to help craft church & academy events such as the assembly & charter day where EVERYONE feels welcomed, visible & valued. how to craft such moments? first, by deciding HOW you want each participant to feel when s/he leaves the event. do you want your alumni - all of them - to feel a sense of excitement over where, say, the college is, as embodied by its students, its teacher/mentors, its leaders; to have a sense of their own place in its past & a thrill of anticipation over where its headed; to WANT to be part of that future, whatever their age?
it amazes me to look back over my life & see how my path has provided me with an unusual amalgram of experiences & skills, from my four years of doing faculty teas in college and the same number of ed council spreads (two per morning) as part of summer work to serving as NATIONAL coordinator of events honoring prudential healthcare's 50th anniversary, from adopting the anc classes of 2010~2011~2013 when they were in elementary school & tracking them through hs graduation to being bisys financial services 2000 employee of the year based on my above & beyond success at making the most demanding clients feel heard.
it feels as if this initiative is already a tangible entity, awaiting its big reveal. all i have to get out of the way are minor albeit pesky money energy issues - and that will happen. all i have to do is let everything be in its place, then see what arises.
Monday, October 17, 2011
take no thought for the morrow
what's in my heart to do? if i know it, then i'm already graced with an incredible gift, because so very few people seem to have a clue. if i know it, then i'm honor-bound to pursue it, without flinching at what tomorrow might bring, instead focusing on what i can do in THIS moment to make it so.
i'm doubly, triply, calculate to infinity blessed because of having already experienced what it feels like to reach a goal that so many thought beyond hope. it took 35 years of quiet belief that it was possible. seems long, but i look back at it as simply taking as long as it took.
for decades & decades, i thought that my goal was better relationship with my birth family. not a good one, just better. and i got to experience that. remarkable!
what amazes me over & over are all the unimaginable blessings that open up from pursuing a goodly goal. it never ever dawned on me that my psyche would hit a reset button, as it has over these past two weeks. it feels - really & truly - like my innermost being has returned to where it was in my earliest days. and i do mean earliest! so cool, so unexpected. so waiting to be expanded into new goals. goals that will take as long as they take, taking no thought for the morrow.
i'm doubly, triply, calculate to infinity blessed because of having already experienced what it feels like to reach a goal that so many thought beyond hope. it took 35 years of quiet belief that it was possible. seems long, but i look back at it as simply taking as long as it took.
for decades & decades, i thought that my goal was better relationship with my birth family. not a good one, just better. and i got to experience that. remarkable!
what amazes me over & over are all the unimaginable blessings that open up from pursuing a goodly goal. it never ever dawned on me that my psyche would hit a reset button, as it has over these past two weeks. it feels - really & truly - like my innermost being has returned to where it was in my earliest days. and i do mean earliest! so cool, so unexpected. so waiting to be expanded into new goals. goals that will take as long as they take, taking no thought for the morrow.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
hiatus
took a hiatus from mid-sept to mid-october. wasn't planned, just happened. maybe something incredibly wise within me realized those weeks were best spent just experiencing whatever arose rather than stepping back to write blog entries.
happy to have gleaned all i got, happy to be back.
happy to have gleaned all i got, happy to be back.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I am Berkshire Hathaway.
How many people get the opportunity to be part of a Berkshire Hathaway company, part of the perhaps most successful family of companies in the world?? I do. All I have to do is put out the energy that wants to be put out & I can say, with complete honesty, "I am Berkshire Hathaway." My work efforts affect Warren Buffet's profit margins.
All I have to do to make it so is to make it so.
Berkshire Hathaway owns Pampered Chef, which speaks volumes for Warren Buffet's opinion of P.C. founder Doris Christopher and the company she & her husband developed & grew.
Identify my most alert times of the day, and the times that I flag. Peg P.C. actions to the up time, build in less intense, more restorative Be aware of my groggy hours & don't let them pattern the rest of the day.
And follow Donna's advice - start clean, under my own name, not John's. We did that for a reason, a reason that doesn't exist. It's a reboot under my name. I am not the same person.
I am Berkshire Hathaway. Live like it.
All I have to do to make it so is to make it so.
Berkshire Hathaway owns Pampered Chef, which speaks volumes for Warren Buffet's opinion of P.C. founder Doris Christopher and the company she & her husband developed & grew.
Identify my most alert times of the day, and the times that I flag. Peg P.C. actions to the up time, build in less intense, more restorative Be aware of my groggy hours & don't let them pattern the rest of the day.
And follow Donna's advice - start clean, under my own name, not John's. We did that for a reason, a reason that doesn't exist. It's a reboot under my name. I am not the same person.
I am Berkshire Hathaway. Live like it.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
divya nails it
on last night's royal pains episode, divya gave an answer to why her father won't talk to her that i could just as easily use explaining why my sibs shie away from me >> "i could give you plenty of reasons ~ and i don't understand any of them." spot on.
i admire how the writers show the character - estranged & financially cut off from parents she loves & who have always supported her - as sad but coping. the option - to do what they wanted at the cost of her self - would have been more painful. a woman who sought a balance within her family & is willing to live with the consequences, however painful, rather than compromise her true self. a deftly drawn character who is well written. bravo!
i admire how the writers show the character - estranged & financially cut off from parents she loves & who have always supported her - as sad but coping. the option - to do what they wanted at the cost of her self - would have been more painful. a woman who sought a balance within her family & is willing to live with the consequences, however painful, rather than compromise her true self. a deftly drawn character who is well written. bravo!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
"You and your PLATITUDES!!"
it was last october over a year ago that a once incredibly close friend flung those words at me; the phrase began with a sneer & ended with her spitting out "pla~ti~tudes."
my response took even me by surprise. instead of being upset or angry or repentant of my ways, the unexpected comment lifted a veil that long covered crucial parts of my life. in a flash, it was clear that leslie wasn't the only one irked beyond endurance by my platitudes. i'll see you a leslie & raise you a peter, mim, mike & kerry.
for many years, i've said that my sibs experience me like nails on a chalk board. i make their skin crawl. i know from kerry that my core nature disturbs her intensely - so she wrote in 1973, in a letter to mom, and i've experienced nothing over the years that would lead me to think her opinion's changed. i irritate peter so intensely, his family didn't invite me to my niece's rehearsal dinner; as my nephew put it, if i were there, his dad would have been stressed.
it was clear that something about me rubbed each of the in the absolutely worst way imaginable, but i was left clueless as to what it was.
"you & your platitudes!" eureka, i had found it! my robustly pollyanna-ish ways got under their skin every bit as much as it did leslie's. in leslie's tone (we were on the phone), even more than her words, i heard years of irritation erupting.
yes, i do tend to see a lesson in all that happens, which does liberate me in a large degree from recriminations & fault finding. yes, that could be experienced as pollyanna-ish. but what's so bad about being a pollyanna? as i recall, she lead a pretty happy life, helped others brush off paths to their own happy lives, left where she lived & who she was with in a happier place than they were before.
seems a pretty good way to be, if you ask me. so i'll forever spout those so-called "platitudes" about seeking the lesson & understanding that each of us brings a unique perspective to our common experience as i keep on keeping on!
thank you, leslie, for helping me understand the previously incomprehensible!
my response took even me by surprise. instead of being upset or angry or repentant of my ways, the unexpected comment lifted a veil that long covered crucial parts of my life. in a flash, it was clear that leslie wasn't the only one irked beyond endurance by my platitudes. i'll see you a leslie & raise you a peter, mim, mike & kerry.
for many years, i've said that my sibs experience me like nails on a chalk board. i make their skin crawl. i know from kerry that my core nature disturbs her intensely - so she wrote in 1973, in a letter to mom, and i've experienced nothing over the years that would lead me to think her opinion's changed. i irritate peter so intensely, his family didn't invite me to my niece's rehearsal dinner; as my nephew put it, if i were there, his dad would have been stressed.
it was clear that something about me rubbed each of the in the absolutely worst way imaginable, but i was left clueless as to what it was.
"you & your platitudes!" eureka, i had found it! my robustly pollyanna-ish ways got under their skin every bit as much as it did leslie's. in leslie's tone (we were on the phone), even more than her words, i heard years of irritation erupting.
yes, i do tend to see a lesson in all that happens, which does liberate me in a large degree from recriminations & fault finding. yes, that could be experienced as pollyanna-ish. but what's so bad about being a pollyanna? as i recall, she lead a pretty happy life, helped others brush off paths to their own happy lives, left where she lived & who she was with in a happier place than they were before.
seems a pretty good way to be, if you ask me. so i'll forever spout those so-called "platitudes" about seeking the lesson & understanding that each of us brings a unique perspective to our common experience as i keep on keeping on!
thank you, leslie, for helping me understand the previously incomprehensible!
sanctuary
i love the 4th of july.
in my family, it was the most flat-out happy, least angst-ridden holiday. fun, food & family - a mega winning combination!
so many great memories around bryn athyn july 4th celebrations. my very first memory is from when i was probably around seven years old.
background: to this day, the parade around what is now benade hall circle is followed by all of us gathering around the flag pole to sing the star-spangled banner, followed by a speech - followed by foot races on what was called the old football field, renamed to the girls' athletic fields.
i, a total athletic glutz but in possession of a brand new pair of pf flyer sneakers, couldn't wait for the foot races. i KNEW, because the advertisements trumpeted it, that MY sneakers would make me fleet of foot, miraculously able to leave every other competitor in the dust. yes, my little girl heart fell for the hype & ignored my hapless lack of athleticism.
no one was more eager for the starting whistle than yours truly. i sprung from the starting line with all the confidence of setting a new record for my age group ...with the toning & running experience of a slug.
needless to say, i immediately became the slowest runner on the field, watching the pack whip away from me. brokenhearted at the betrayal of my brand new footwear, i did the only thing that i could think to do to make it bearable - i scanned the sidelines for a safe face. and tore into the arms of my mortified older brother.
poor mike. he & my other surviving siblings were great athletes throughout their school years. here, not only was i a total flub at foot races, he'd been singled him out by my running OFF the field & flinging myself into his arms. could feel his discomfort, his embarrassment through his shirt, but i didn't care. he was my brother, he was safe. (and i also remember how totally undone all the pretty girls around him were by my aberrant action, circling around us, comforting this sobbing child - looking back, can only imagine it made him big brownie points.)
so many thoughts from that one race. it marked me forever as not only a lousy athlete, but also as unsportsmanlike for leaving the field instead of finishing the race, no matter how far behind the others. but i have no sad thoughts from that race, only the memory of how i felt on catching sight of my big brother. sanctuary, sanctuary!
how i felt about mike back then is pretty much how i felt about all of my siblings - they were my sanctuary, my safe places from the storm of life. and i think that sense was born into me, as well as nurtured through mim's many messages about holding family in my heart & loyalties.
that moment - expected glory ending ignominiously - isn't a bitter memory, or even bittersweet. savory would be the best word, well seasoned with hope & love & a straight-line pursuit of comforting arms.
in my family, it was the most flat-out happy, least angst-ridden holiday. fun, food & family - a mega winning combination!
so many great memories around bryn athyn july 4th celebrations. my very first memory is from when i was probably around seven years old.
background: to this day, the parade around what is now benade hall circle is followed by all of us gathering around the flag pole to sing the star-spangled banner, followed by a speech - followed by foot races on what was called the old football field, renamed to the girls' athletic fields.
i, a total athletic glutz but in possession of a brand new pair of pf flyer sneakers, couldn't wait for the foot races. i KNEW, because the advertisements trumpeted it, that MY sneakers would make me fleet of foot, miraculously able to leave every other competitor in the dust. yes, my little girl heart fell for the hype & ignored my hapless lack of athleticism.
no one was more eager for the starting whistle than yours truly. i sprung from the starting line with all the confidence of setting a new record for my age group ...with the toning & running experience of a slug.
needless to say, i immediately became the slowest runner on the field, watching the pack whip away from me. brokenhearted at the betrayal of my brand new footwear, i did the only thing that i could think to do to make it bearable - i scanned the sidelines for a safe face. and tore into the arms of my mortified older brother.
poor mike. he & my other surviving siblings were great athletes throughout their school years. here, not only was i a total flub at foot races, he'd been singled him out by my running OFF the field & flinging myself into his arms. could feel his discomfort, his embarrassment through his shirt, but i didn't care. he was my brother, he was safe. (and i also remember how totally undone all the pretty girls around him were by my aberrant action, circling around us, comforting this sobbing child - looking back, can only imagine it made him big brownie points.)
so many thoughts from that one race. it marked me forever as not only a lousy athlete, but also as unsportsmanlike for leaving the field instead of finishing the race, no matter how far behind the others. but i have no sad thoughts from that race, only the memory of how i felt on catching sight of my big brother. sanctuary, sanctuary!
how i felt about mike back then is pretty much how i felt about all of my siblings - they were my sanctuary, my safe places from the storm of life. and i think that sense was born into me, as well as nurtured through mim's many messages about holding family in my heart & loyalties.
that moment - expected glory ending ignominiously - isn't a bitter memory, or even bittersweet. savory would be the best word, well seasoned with hope & love & a straight-line pursuit of comforting arms.
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