Safe

Recently, I came across several letters that set my brain a~whirling. One was from someone dear to my heart, a single letter addressed & sent to each of her children. The other two were remarkable replies.

The original letter was short, to the point, sharing the letter writer's unexpected self-realization that she only felt safe with two out of six (including in laws) children. She confided that, as part of a larger effort to improve her overall attitude of mind, she was working on moving past that sense of unease, that she welcomed hearing from anyone who wanted to talk about what was happening in her life.

Of the four children receiving the letter by mail, two responded. One took her to task for not feeling safe with the other - berating her that there was no reason to not feel safe. That letter never asked for more specifics, for what was meant by the word "safe," or for an example of what she meant by not feeling safe.

The other also responded, or - to be more accurate - retaliated, calling out the letter writer for not feeling safe. Yes, the other noted, the other's blunt honesty often left people feeling sad, miserable, mad, angry, even hostile, but they always felt safe with the other.

What an excellent illustration of knowing HOW people define words. The other had no problem seeing that they often brought people to grief (i.e. sad, miserable, mad, angry, even hostile), but that didn't translate to them as unsafe. Perhaps, to them, being unsafe meant being physically unsafe; maybe the concept of emotional safety wasn't on the other's radar. There was no way to ask, as the letter was all emphatic statement, no open-ended asking.

Coming across those now "ancient" letters served as a good reminder to me that while I might THINK the words I'm using have clearly defined meaning, t'aint necessarily so. I could be totally misread - and could be, in turn, totally misread others. Step softly & carry a big curiosity to learn more.

It's safe to say that these letters frame a caveat we're each well served to heed - never assume that what you think you hear is what someone meant to convey, even if you can repeat back word for word what was said. When we think the sense is off whack, ask what the person meant by what was said. Imagine the difference if either the first OR the other had simple responded, "You say you only feel safe with this one & that one. Tell us more about how you feel with the others."

Timing is Everything

Lucky me, to have two books on launching a small business that were written for creatives.

The Right-Brain Business Plan was published just last year (!), while Birthing the Elephant has been around since 2008. Both arrived yesterday, along with a crib sheet for Windows 7.

I practically danced to the front door, throwing open the door with a swoosh of joy, whisking the package right out of the postman's hands!!

Discomfort as an Ally

It's still rough going, experiencing discomfort as a sign that work's being done, rather than simply considered. Avoiding discomfort was a key message I rec'd growing up & throughout my life. Yet, there was always something in me that knew discomfort was, in reality, an invaluable, irreplaceable ally, the soft whisper in my ear that I'd moved past up-in-the-clouds dreaming into down-into-the-nitty-gritty realizing.

I think it was Stephen Covey who wrote about the lure of promising ideas, the incredible psychic energy they provide, and how it is very different knuckling down to do the mundane tasks that transform fantasy into fantastic substance. We love to look to the idealized future, achievements we'll garner, accolades we'll receive, but balk at actually looking around us in THIS moment, given THESE circumstances.

Looking around at what can be done within the present can make me squirm - my longtime response has been to shut down, get tired, take a nap. Go numb. Better numb than discomfort.

BAH! What a lot of bosh!!!

Recognize the ancient triggers, stop dwelling in the past or looking toward tomorrow, look around, feel that icky sense of discomfort, of shying away from the mundane, knuckle down and LIVE. Take no thought for the morrow ~ take root in the NOW.

Redux Over

Am taking a do over on last week, because I ignored every single thing I pledged to do. Put on my big girl pants, write out the pledges on the fridge calendar, follow through & do them.

Put One Foot in Front of the Other

Feels like for every four steps I take forward, there are three backward or to the side or front but off on a tangent. Keep coming back to the the imagery of a bureau that's been repeatedly repainted - takes a while to scrape off the layers, takes time until the original beautiful mahogany is uncovered. And once it is, still need to restore it!

This week's top five challenges to master are (drum roll, please):

* flip off light at 10:30 p.m.

* put a new bag in the vacuum cleaner

* then vacuum, upstairs & down

* get up between 5:30 & 6:00 a.m.

If I tackled every challenge out there, I run shrieking into the night. Slow, but steady. Just put one foot in front of the other!

Stating the Obvious

It felt like Anna was taken aback by my response to a comment she made at our life coaching session, an almost throw-away description of one of my sibs. Maybe it showed on my face that with that one word, a key was turned in a long-sought, always just-out-of-sight lock on my awareness, letting out with an beyond measure WHOOOOOOSE!! of understanding/insight/compassion, the ultimate AH HA! moment of my life, to date.

"What did you just say?" I asked.

She repeated it.

"Where did you get that? How did you know?"

To Anna, she was stating what she thought was just restating the obvious & looked seriously startled and seemed taken totally off guard by my questions ~ "It's what you described."

And it was - but I hadn't realized it. >I'd< described it, without grasping what I'd described.

Oh, the wonders of a life coach - someone to hear what a person says & say it back, giving the words entire new power..

Surprise Gift

What a godsend! I knew in my bones that teaming up with Anna Friesen Cole would open the way to something. Little could I have guessed she'd rock my world in the most remarkable, unimaginably beyond-the-beyond ways possible!!!

Background:

THE great constant of my life, one that drove my sibs & Mom into the stratosphere of irked, was my unremitting attempt to figure out the gist of my family's core dynamics, because they never ever made sense to me.

Not as a little kid, not as a teen, not as a young adult, not as a grown up.

Wasn't after fault-finding or recriminations, just a core understanding of what felt to me like... to this day, I don't have the words to say how it felt. Not sure if there even IS a word, at least in the English language.

Thank goodness for getting older! And for Mom passing right before my 50th b-day. Age & no longer being !st & foremost a daughter (yep, even before wife) opened the way to cease & desist

my ceaselessly futile attempts at understanding my family's blatantly byzantine dynamics.

Walked away - well, that was my intent, if not always my reality.

The only thing all that storm & stress had yielded was more stormy stress. It took until the past couple years, but was finally able to SEE that and then let go of the related, suck-you-in & drag-you-down issues.

Which was when the Universe was finally free to give me the BEST surprise birthday present EVER - Anna & her almost freaky people-mapping insights! Seriously - our first coaching session was the day after my b-day!!!

Coincidence?

Mere happenstance?

I think NOT!

Thank you, Universe ~ and keep all those blessings coming!!!